


And until we meet again

by Analinea



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Allison Argent & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Allison Lives, Angst, F/F, Future Fic, Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Kinda, Skins (UK) quote, mention of the Nogitsune
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 11:31:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8487661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Analinea/pseuds/Analinea
Summary: Allison runs away and needs to realize a few things before going back to Lydia





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from a celtic blessing (I'll admit it's a postcard I bough in Scotland and I just looked up at my wall when I was looking for a title haha)
> 
> So there's a bit that I borrowed (and twisted a bit) from Naomi in Skins, and I've been meaning to use it in a fic for a while so I can finally cross that off my fics list \o/
> 
> Anyway! Enjoy!

**One step** , Allison counts, back turned on Lydia. She blocks out the sniffles coming from behind her, convinces herself that as long as it's not sobs, this isn't too bad. Pushes away the knowledge that Lydia never sobs, not only in the quiet of the room they shared for a while -it feels like a lifetime and a second at the same time- before they broke up -a minute ago but already far, far in the past.

Allison screamed, yelled, shouted and broke things, and Lydia gave as good as she got. They didn't touch each other. Never touched each other when they fought. It didn't happen often, not as much as any other couple they knew but–

Allison realizes, suddenly, that from now on, she can only think of them in the past tense. It's fitting, she thinks, since the girl Lydia thought she was dating is long gone. Allison just pretended to still be the person she was at seventeen.

 

**Two steps** , Allison finds herself in front of Stiles and Derek's door. They open without a word, take in her posture and the tears still running down her face, and they let her in. Allison is certain that she has no right to be crying: she's the one that ended things.

They don't talk, and she's grateful because at the moment she can't. Even knowing why she's here, of all places, she can't yet.

Stiles sits next to her and lets her lean on him. He's the only one that can truly understand.

The fear, the darkness, the pretenses, the mask of laughs and dimpled smiles that Allison came to loathe because it was all wrong, so wrong, such a lie. She has been denied the right to show the core of herself too much, because it was disturbing to others, and now she's breaking from the inside out.

The shattered pieces of her fall to the ground and she can only walk bare footed on them. Derek puts a hand on her wrist and offers her a glass of water. Allison thinks that maybe she will have help picking herself up from the floor. She just wished she could have let Lydia be that person but then, she was terrified of cutting her with her own jagged fragments.

 

**Three steps** , it's not any better, it still hurts, and she deserves it. She damaged something beautiful, she should feel the pain of it. She stained something beautiful but she expected it.

Everyone thought Allison was bright and gentle, truth is she's not. Not only. She only wanted people to see that, to accept that.

She's ready to talk now, so she sits in front of Stiles in the small kitchen, steaming mug of tea in her hands.

So she says, I shot Erica and Boyd with arrows -Stiles doesn't say anything, did he already know?

She says, it was so easy to manipulate me that I think I always got that hate in me, ready to be used, preparing itself to be let out in lethal ways -Stiles looks at her like he gets it.

She continues, I was so scared before, powerless, and it felt good to be in control -Stiles breathes in sharply, and she remembers the blade of the Oni where it cut inside of her.

She closes her eyes, I know I'm not only the bad things, I know I'm also the sweet girl everybody sees in me, but they deny me the right to also be cold and hard and afraid so it all feels like it's something to hide, something wrong, so very wrong -she doesn't have to see him to know Stiles understands, sarcasm and shaking hands, hiding his own darkness more than ever because now people can only be reminded of an evil spirit living inside of him.

She opens her eyes again, sometimes I think I could let the rest of the world burn if it meant the people I love are safe, but I don't, I try save everyone like Scott, and that has to mean something, right? That has to mean I'm not as bad as I think I am -Stiles smiles, she can see it in her peripheral vision, and he nods.

She looks up at the ceiling, I want to hate Kate, I hate Kate so much but I can't help still loving her for the aunt she was before I found out who she really was. And I understand her, because for a little while I _was_ her. It would've been to easy to let the darkness drown me and never come out of the black waters -Stiles says, you were angry and violent, but you were never her and her twisted pleasure.

But I enjoyed it, you know, she replies even if she knows it's not the same thing exactly. She felt good and she felt vindicated because her mom was gone and it was her revenge, it was her making the world right again by ridding it of everything that ruined her life.

Before, she thinks, I was a normal girl. And they took that away from me, werewolves and hunters alike, but she couldn't hate her family so she shot her could-be friends. She shot innocent teenagers that were like Scott. She used to love Scott.

“When my mom died,” Stiles says, “I had panic attacks. My dad found me in the backyard after neighbors called him, because I was shooting at cans with the gun he kept in the house. I never felt more calm in my life. He taught me, after that.”

And Allison realizes that somewhere, in the infinite multiplicities of the universe, Stiles and her are the same person.

 

**Four steps** , they're in the Preserve, shooting things. Allison feels better by a fraction. The anger is gone, the fear is still there.

She knows she pushed Lydia away because she was scared, but somehow between her fifth and sixth arrow she realizes Lydia did the same. She pushed and pulled and was sometimes downright hurtful with her words, and she could go away for days at a time before coming back like nothing happened, but they loved each other, so they came back every time, no matter how much the other had been awful.

She knows what they're scared of, the both of them. Their fault, as it comes down to more often than not in this Pack of theirs, is that they never talked about it.

Their fault is that Allison never told Lydia what she told Stiles, and Lydia kept on her perfect mask of being so far above the world that nothing can touch her, even in their shared home.

Lydia never let herself break down. Allison thinks that it might be time for them both to help each other heal, instead of helping each other hide the cracks.

She thinks it might be time to admit their love in a way they never did before: without following it by something that makes the words lie. Saying it like it is: I love you, and I'm scared you'll be the death of me by not loving me back.

 

**Five steps** , Allison is gathering the courage to stop walking away and turn around. She's afraid that when she looks back, Lydia won't be standing in front of their door -hairs in the wind, feet bare on the cold ground, tears on her cheeks, the most beautiful girl she has ever seen- that she will have left. Tired of waiting, tired of their pretending.

Allison is afraid of the possibility that Lydia realized she was better off without her, that she didn't love her enough to stay.

Than she ran off into the woods to join the faeries living there -they're said to be a myth, even by the wolves, but they're also supposed to be a Banshee's people- and found out she belonged there; in the light of a never ending day and creatures as bright as her, dancing in the night of the mortals' world, luring unsuspecting people towards their fire and keeping them there, warm, forgotten, empty.

So Allison is gathering her courage, and she still has her back to the door when Lydia barges in. Is it really surprising, that Lydia is the first to stop running, brave and strong Lydia, catching up to Allison and gripping her by the arm to make her stop walking away.

“Allison,” she says, and her voice is cracked and devoid of the usual sharpness, just like Allison remembers it from the rare hours of the night when they truly showed themselves to the other.

“I love you,” Lydia continues, “I think I've loved you since the first time I saw you, when I was sixteen and you were standing there in the hallways of high school looking lost. I couldn't help but snatch you by the arm and take you with me, and you looked like a flame and I knew I would burn myself getting too close to you but I didn't care. I didn't care,” her voice wavers but she just breathes in and out while Allison starts silently crying, still not looking at her.

“But I was scared: scared of loving a girl, scared of caring for someone like never before, scared of losing everything I tried so hard to build, scared of realizing how much Jackson and I weren't meant to be together when it was part of the image I wanted to give of myself. I learned how to be a cold-hearted bitch when I was too young to even remember it, and I never learned how to drop the act.

“And then we got together, after surviving so much shit and I just– I just couldn't deny this anymore, and I felt the mask I was hiding behind start to melt away, and I liked it, that I could finally show who I was behind that, smart and caring, and still hard and unforgiving most of the time because it's who I am but also gentle and nice -you told me that, remember? You told me you saw that.

“But then I thought it made me weak, it make it easier to get to me, and you were at the center of the problem. You were the one person who could ruin my life so I pushed you away all the time, even when I couldn't spend a day away from you without feeling like my chest was ripped open. It was terrifying.

“And you know, I caught myself looking at rings a month ago, engagement rings. And I realized how much we love each other but also how much we hurt each other, and I always thought I wasn't a coward but I ran away, I left for three days.

“And when I came back you kept punishing me for it, and instead of apologizing and talking about it I hit you back and it's been the worse month of my life and then you left too and it's horrible. It's horrible because, really, I'd die for you. I love you. I love you so much and it's killing me, and I want you back but I want to be better this time. I'm not afraid anymore.

“If you tell me you don't want this, I'd understand, I'll go away and never ask again, but please. Please, if you want this too, look at me and say you love me, and that you'll try and be better too. I know who you are Allison Argent, and I'm not scared of you.”

 

**Six steps** , Allison breathes, closes her eyes, and when she opens them again, she knows what she'll see: Lydia smiling at her through her tears. Because she turned around to take that sixth step. She looked back. She stopped walking away.

Allison breathes, and thinks of the road ahead of them, but this time around they'll do it together, really together. It will take some times, but it will be worth it.

So Allison breathes and then she says, “I'm not scared of us anymore, Lydia. I love you.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? I wanted to explore a bit of Allison's darkness that we see in season 2 after I mentioned it in another fic and I love Allydia AND Stallison as a brotp (they would have been awesome partners in crime, just saying).  
> Kudos and even the shortest comments are very much loved <3


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